Thank You To All of The Veterans, and to The Soldiers Who Are Fighting Today!

Children and Stress

In North America we have been focused on the Obesity Crisis, our Families face today. With this focus we should also look at the issues of stress our children are facing too. In some cases obesity and stress are tied together.

Here is a great question a parent asked a psychologist at Kids Have Stress Too....
http://www.kidshavestresstoo.org/index.php

"Question of the month. 11/20/00


What are some of the stresses that children experience in their daily lives?

It is important to identify what is bothering or upsetting a child. Children can feel
stressed by everyday problems such a losing or breaking something, being late,
fighting with sisters or brothers. Dealing with fears such as dogs or the dark can
also cause stress as well as moving to a new home or new school, performing in
front of others, making mistakes, and fear of failure.


Children may also experience chronic stress from situations that are beyond their
control, such as family changes due to divorce or death, health problems, tension
in homes, doing poorly in school,and being involved with too many activities or
having too many responsibilities.


Dr. S Jane Margles
Clinical Psychologist, York University
Trustee, Psychology Foundation of Canada"

Getting help for your Child is easier than ever before. If you recognize a problem address it right away. Talk with your child (Remember "EMPATHY"), and get the help needed if you cannot address the problems yourself.

Something I have learned, and was very relieved about, was how resilient my child is. Most children will recover, some quicker than others, with guidance and open lines of communication or professional help. Do not ignore the problem your child may have. It will not go away with the wave of a magic wand! There are many options for help, use them.

Other reading available...

"Kids Have Stress Too"
http://kidshavestresstoo.org/

"Primary Children Suffer Stress" (BBC)
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/education/7039966.stm

"Anxiety In Children, Teen Stress and Teenage Depression" (Life Positive)
http://www.lifepositive.com/Mind/psychology/stress/anxiety-in-children.asp

"Childhood Stress" (KidsHealth.org)
http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/stress.html

Empathy...HUH?

Empathy is one of the most important "listening" tools, when having a conversation with your child. Most children (and people) want to be heard and understood. Most to often we jump into what our child is trying to convey to us. JUST TO BE HEARD and REALLY UNDERSTAND how they are feeling, and the message they are delivering is what is important. The best anaology is they want you to wear their shoes!

Listen to what they are saying. Paraphrase..."so this is what you are telling me". Confirm that you are sympathetic to them..."I can see why you would be upset" or "What can I do to help you?" Too often we jump in, without even realizing it, and offer our expertise or opinion when it was not asked for. This is about them. Remember LISTEN.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Empathy
http://www.acaciart.com/stories/archive6.html

Back To School

Ahhh it's almost here. The sweet sound of the school bell ringing. YIPPEEEEEE!!! Oh sorry Son just kidding (NOT!)

Organizing ourselves just before school starts and during the first couple of weeks of classes can be chaotic. Start planning early. Shop for clothes and don't get carried away. I don't know why some parents spend all that dough to have little Johnnie and Suzie look like they are ready to model for a children's catalogue. Get what they need. Some schools still supply workbooks and such. Don't go overboard buying school supplies. You will get a list of your child's needs when school starts. Here is a link to Family Education and Canadian Family which will help you plan your child's school year...

http://school.familyeducation.com/back-to-school/school/34528.html

http://www.canadianfamily.ca/articles/article/back-to-school-countdown/

School fees can be a hassle check with your local school board and see if they have subsidies for low income families, and apply if needed.

One of my big gripes is the flyer's Son comes home with from his school. See if the school will e-mail newsletters, bulletins and correspondence to you....saves them from getting lost and helps reduce waste.

Immunization is important. Keep your child's records updated. Most schools work with their local health authorities to immunize children. Here is a chart of an immunization schedule from the Government of Alberta...

http://www.health.alberta.ca/public/imm_routine-schedule.html

Be Responsible, and Hold Yourself Accountable

In this busy life of single parenthood we sometimes forget that we are a parent, teacher, police officer etc... to our children. We cannot forget to hold ourselves accountable for our children's upbringing. There are quite a few parents who would just as soon let the television or the other neighbourhood parents babysit our children because we are too tired or our favorite tv show is on.

We need to know where are children are at all times, who they are with, and are they playing safe. I can't figure out why some parents let their children run wild outside past dark, or even 8 pm. Then the parents are surprised when little Johnny or Suzy get into trouble...geez no parental supervision or lack of...hmmmm. The same goes for parents who are not supervising their children on bicycles. Way too many times I have seen children with no helmets on while bike riding. And then when little Johnny or Suzy get hurt the parents are looking for someone, or something else to blame for their child's injuries.

Parents we need to think and teach our children how to be reponsible!!

Here is a great link for helping your children to be Responsible...
http://www.thinkresponsibly.ca/public/parent.html

Make Time To Play

With our lives being so busy in today's world we tend to forget the simple pleasures. Playing is one of those pleasures. Your child wants quality time with you and playing is an important role to fill, children want too play and have fun with their parents!

Make time (we commit an hour a day) on your family schedule. Keep your promise no matter how your day has been. Pick games that are age appropriate and not too complicated. Some games like Yahtzee will help them learn, unknowingly, math and problem solving skills while still having fun with Dad. Let them win once in a while that way their interest in games with you is not lost. Encourage them when your child does well and help them understand it's okay to lose a game. What matters is the time spent with who they are playing with and the fun associated with the game play.

In our house we have a "One Hour Rule" for any electronic game playing. Getting your child involved in some physical activity with you and obviously beneficial to their health and yours. Once again you are role modeling a positive behaviour towards game playing and health. Your child will be happier because of the fun time you spend with them!

Check out this link at Fun Family Education...

http://fun.familyeducation.com/games/33076.html

Puberty...Oh No!!

One of the hardest topics for some people to discuss is Puberty.

It can be a nightmare and an unimaginable topic for some Parents to talk about with their Children. It is necessary though.

Some Children develop quicker then others emotionally and physically, and EVERYONE goes through Puberty! You have to let your Child know this. Also let them know it is okay to speak with you about this topic. It was great Son came to me to speak about this topic. He was a little embarrassed. He asked me if he was going through "Pugerty" at first. It took me a second to realize what he was trying to talk about. I let him know that everybody goes through Puberty at different times and that his body will give him signs about what is changing. I also added that he is the only one who will know these signs, to start with. He went to bed shortly there-after. I went on the Net and found some sights I could share with him the next day, to give him a bigger picture of what changes to expect in his body and his emotions. He was very receptive and most importantly I reaffirmed that he could come and speak with me anytime if he had more questions.

Some great links...
http://www.users.bigpond.com/rdoolan/puberty.html
http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/positive/talk/talk_about_puberty.html

Summer Safety For Your Children...Where Do You Start!

Teaching Your Children To Use 911, I believe, is one of the most important safety lessons to teach. Make a game out of teaching your child. “What would you do if Daddy was on the floor and he couldn’t move or wake up?” Or “What if a stranger was trying to climb into the neighbors window?” Children need to learn the difference between an Emergency and Non-Emergency.





Fire Safety

Does your family have a Fire Escape Plan? Teach your children what to do if they hear the smoke alarm or what to do if their clothes catch on fire.

http://www.thinkresponsibly.ca/public/fire_prevention/index.html
http://www.usfa.dhs.gov/kids/flash.shtm
http://content.calgary.ca/CCA/City+Hall/Business+Units/Calgary+Fire+Department/Just+For+Kids/Just+for+Kids.htm

Stranger Safety

Teach your children about dealing with strangers. This a great link to the Stay Alert. Stay Safe Program for Kids and Parents!

http://www.sass.ca/

Bicycle Safety

One thing that drives me crazy is seeing a child riding a bicycle or a TRICYCLE with no helmet. It amazes me that parents don’t seem to realize how important a Bicycle Helmet is to the protection of their child. Do they have a bell, mirror, and reflectors? Is the bicycle the correct size, with the seat adjusted to the right height for your child? Do they understand the rules of the road?
In a one-year period, 6,430 people visited an emergency department for a biking injury. This number represents all bicycle-related injuries in Alberta including falls and also includes 593 bicyclists involved in casualty collisions on the roadway.

http://www.thinkresponsibly.ca/public/helmet_safety_files/index.html
http://www.saferoads.com/safety/safety_bicycle.html
http://www.thinkresponsibly.ca/public/helmet_safety_files/index.html

Sun & Heat Safety

Is your child protected from UV Rays? Use the right Sunscreen or Block. My Son is allergic to Zinc which is quite common in Sunscreens. Just read the label and make sure you watch how much direct sunlight your child is getting. Avoid sun stroke just by putting a hat on. Watch for heat exhaustion. Give a good supply of water (not Cola's the caffine dehydrates) or sports drinks. Stay in a Shady area during hot spells.
"It's hard to imagine having to warn parents or caregivers about leaving children alone in cars, especially during the heat of the summer. But many caring and responsible people can forget the silent or sleeping child in the backseat. Others do not realize the risks involved in leaving their children in the car and what begins as a quick errand can turn to tragedy in a matter of minutes. If children are trapped inside cars, especially during seriously hot weather, it can result in heat exhaustion or heat stroke, leading to permanent disability or death".

http://www.kidsandcars.org/
http://kidshealth.org/kid/watch/out/summer_safety.html

Water Safety

Watch your children. Do not lose site of them when around water, such as pools, rivers, creeks, lakes, ocean and ponds. Life jackets most be worn when boating or canoeing. Is the life jacket the right size? Is the life jacket the correct one for that water activity?

Parents please stay away from alcohol when participating in all water activities!

http://www.wearalifejacket.com/
http://www.tc.gc.ca/BoatingSafety/boating-law-enforcement.htm
http://www.tc.gc.ca/BoatingSafety/menu.htm

International Missing Children's Day

For the second consecutive year, the European Commission is supporting the International Missing Children's Day on 25 May, organized by the European Federation for Missing and Sexually Exploited Children. A press conference and a special event with Vice President Franco Frattini, Mr Daniel Cardon De Lichtbuer, President of Child Focus and the Belgian singer Salvatore Adamo, UNICEF ambassador for children's rights, took place on 24 May in the Commission premises.

Vice-President Franco Frattini pointed out that "the Commission has for a long time been concerned about the protection of children and young people inside and outside of Europe. In occasion of the International Missing Children's Day I will ask to the entire staff to show their solidarity to families that have been affected by such a sorrowful scourge, pinning a 'Forget-me-not' flower".

The main purpose of the International Missing Children’s Day is to encourage the population to think about all the children still missing in Europe and around the world and to spread a message of hope and solidarity at international level to parents who have no news about their children and do not know where they are or what has become of them.
The problem of missing children is complex and multifaceted. It is today not possible to obtain comprehensive statistics across the European Union regarding missing and sexually exploited children. Data gathering is seldom organised at a national level and the available data are largely difficult to access and little or no details can be obtained.

To give an indication on the extent of the problem in some European countries, the following statistics can be obtained from national sources:
In Italy, police records show that 1.850 minors went missing in 2005;
In Belgium, the number of dossiers reported by the police was 1.022 in 2005
In the UK, police recorded 846 cases of child abductions in 2002/03, while the total cases of missing children (runaways for any reason) is estimated at 70.000 annually.

To strengthen its actions in favour of children and young people, the Commission will issue a Communication “Towards an EU strategy on children’s rights” in July 2006. The communication will propose a wide action plan, with four major objectives:
To identify priorities for future EU action
To improve EU policies’ effectiveness vis-à-vis the Rights of the Child
To increase cooperation with stakeholders
To help children to enforce their rights

Many actions have already been taken by the European Union to protect the rights of the child. Only during the past 5 years, around thirty directives, framework decisions or green papers have been adopted under several EC policy areas and with children as principal target.
In addition, the Commission provides funding through a dozen community programmes for actions in favour of children and young people.

http://ec.europa.eu/justice_home/news/information_dossiers/missing_children_day_2006/index_en.htm

A New Web Site for Single Dads

There is a fabulous new Web Site for single fathers called DadCanDo. Quite a few topics are available from Cooking to Crafts, Reward Charts, Dealing with Homework and even Relaxing!

This site has some great tools for you and your children!!

http://www.dadcando.com/default.asp

A Powerful Message

CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE

Dorothy Law Nolte

If a child lives with criticism,
he learns to condemn.

If a child lives with hostility,
he learns to fight.

If a child lives with fear,
he learns to be apprehensive.

If a child lives with pity,
he learns to feel sorry for himself.

If a child lives with ridicule,
he learns to be shy.

If a child lives with jealousy,
he learns what envy is.

If a child lives with shame,
he learns to feel guilty.

If a child lives with encouragement,
he learns to be confident.

If a child lives with tolerance,
he learns to be patient.

If a child lives with praise,
he learns to be appreciative.

If a child lives with acceptance,
he learns to love.

If a child lives with approval,
he learns to like himself.

If a child lives with recognition,
he learns that it is good to have a goal.

If a child lives with sharing,
he learns about generosity.

If a child lives with honesty and fairness,
he learns what truth and justice are.

If a child lives with security,
he learns to have faith in himself and in those about him.

If a child lives with friendliness,
he learns that the world is a nice place in which to live.

If you live with serenity,
your child will live with peace of mind.

With what is your child living?

Set Reasonable Rules and Guidelines for Computer Use by Your Children

By taking responsibility for your children’s online computer use, parents can greatly minimize any potential risks of being online. Make it a family rule to...


Never give out identifying information — home address, school name, or telephone number — in a public message such as chat or newsgroups, and be sure you’re dealing with someone both you and your children know and trust before giving out this information via E-mail. Think carefully before revealing any personal information such as age, financial information, or marital status. Do not post photographs of your children in newsgroups or on web sites that are available to the public. Consider using a pseudonym, avoid listing your child’s name and E-mail address in any public directories and profiles, and find out about your ISP’s privacy policies and exercise your options for how your personal information may be used.


Get to know the Internet and any services your child uses. If you don’t know how to log on, get your child to show you. Have your child show you what he or she does online, and become familiar with all the activities that are available online. Find out if your child has a free web-based E-mail account, such as those offered by Hotmail and Yahoo!® , and learn their user names and passwords.

Never allow a child to arrange a face-to-face meeting with someone they “meet” on the Internet without parental permission. If a meeting is arranged, make the first one in a public place, and be sure to accompany your child.

Never respond to messages that are suggestive, obscene, belligerent, threatening, or make you feel uncomfortable. Encourage your children to tell you if they encounter such messages. If you or your child receives a message that is harassing, of a sexual nature, or threatening, forward a copy of the message to your ISP, and ask for their assistance. Instruct your child not to click on any links that are contained in E-mail from persons they don’t know. Such links could lead to sexually explicit or otherwise inappropriate web sites or could be a computer virus. If someone sends you or your children messages or images that are filthy, indecent, lewd, or obscene with the intent to abuse, annoy, harass, or threaten you, or if you become aware of the transmission, use, or viewing of child pornography while online immediately report this to the NCMEC’s CyberTipline at 1-800-843-5678 or www.cybertipline.com. Set reasonable rules and guidelines for computer use by your children.

Remember that people online may not be who they seem. Because you can’t see or even hear the person it would be easy for someone to misrepresent him- or herself. Thus someone indicating that “she” is a “12-year-old girl” could in reality be a 40-year-old man.


Remember that everything you read online may not be true. Any offer that’s “too good to be true” probably is. Be careful about any offers that involve you going to a meeting, having someone visit your house, or sending money or credit-card information.

Set reasonable rules and guidelines for computer use by your children. (See “My Rules for Online Safety” on the back cover.) Discuss these rules and post them near the computer as a reminder. Remember to monitor your children’s compliance with these rules, especially when it comes to the amount of time your children spend on the computer. A child’s excessive use of online services or the Internet, especially late at night, may be a clue that there is a potential problem. Remember that personal computers and online services should not be used as electronic babysitters.

Check out blocking, filtering, and ratings applications. Be sure to make this a family activity. Consider keeping the computer in a family room rather than the child’s bedroom. Get to know their “online friends” just as you get to know all of their other friends. If your child has a cellular telephone, talk with him or her about using it safely. The same rules that apply to computer use, also apply to cellular telephones.

About this Document

This document was written by Lawrence J. Magid, a syndicated columnist and technology commentator, who is author of The Little PC Book (Peachpit Press) and host of www.safekids.com, a web site devoted to keeping children safer in “cyberspace.” He is also the author of Teen Safety on the Information Highway, a free brochure that is also published by the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children.


Safe Kids

The Rights of Children

The Rights of Children of Separation and Divorce



1) THE RIGHT to be treated as an important human being, with unique feelings, ideas and desires and not as a source of argument between parents.

2) THE RIGHT to a sense of security and belonging derived from a loving, nurturing environment that is free of negative social influences such as drugs, alcohol, crime, bigotry and weapons in the home.

3) THE RIGHT to a continuing relationship with both parents and their extended families, based on a fair and just arrangement that will provide the opportunity to have a meaningful relationship with both parents, which includes the freedom to receive and express love for both.

4) THE RIGHT to have “listening parents” who work cooperatively in the best interest of the child as well as all members of the family.

5) THE RIGHT to express love and affection for each parent without having to stifle that love because of fear of disapproval by the other parent.

6) THE RIGHT to flourish in an atmosphere free of disrespect, exploitation and neglect.

7) THE RIGHT to know that their parents’ decision to separate or divorce is not their responsibility.

8) THE RIGHT to continuing care and guidance from both parents, where they can be educated in mind, nourished in spirit, developed in body and surrounded by unconditional love.

9) THE RIGHT to honest answers to questions about their changing family relationships.

10) THE RIGHT to know and appreciate what is good in each parent without one parent degrading the other.

11) THE RIGHT to a relaxed, secure relationship with both parents without being placed in a position to manipulate one parent against the other.

12) THE RIGHT to have parents who will not undermine the child’s time with the other parent by suggesting tempting alternatives or by threatening to withhold activities or parenting time as a punishment for the child’s wrongdoing.

13) THE RIGHT to be able to experience regular and consistent parental contact and the right to know the reason for not having regular contact.

14) THE RIGHT to be a child, to be insulated from parental conflicts and problems.

15) THE RIGHT to be taught, according to their developing levels, to understand values, to assume responsibility for their actions, and to cope with the consequences of their choices.

16) THE RIGHT to be able to participate in their own destiny and to be taught about their family’s culture and history.

17) THE RIGHT to be able to contact any parent, or any member of either parent’s extended family without unreasonable objection or interference from either parent.

18) THE RIGHT to be listened to by legal authorities and to have their age appropriate wishes and preferences made known to any court of law.

19) THE RIGHT to be supported and cared for, both financially and emotionally, by one’s own parents and extended family as the first option before any involvement of the government or other third party.

20) THE RIGHT to be assisted by competent third parties whose responsibility it is to protect or advocate for children and to be provided this assistance by the parties without prejudice or bias in favor of, or against, either of the parents.

Courtesy of the Family Conflict Resolution Services

www.Parental-Alienation-Awareness.com

New Years Resolutions

Happy New Year To Everyone!

It's time to make that dreaded resolution. Mine?!?!?!?!?

1. Be more empathetic to Son's needs.
2. Devote more quality time to Son.
3. Post to my Blog once a month.
4. Be happy every morning after waking up.

No more aaahhhhh...